I'm the oldest of nine kids. That's a long story for another time.
My very first sibling was a little "brudder" as I liked to call him.
According to my mom I was very protective of my little brudder. He was mine. And I loved him so very much.
Over the years he and I were close, but still fought like typical siblings.
Into our adult lives we became a lot closer even though we lived several states a part.
We both had daughters, only a few months a part. We talked regularly about everything under the sun from parenting, to our parents, to relationships, the list could go on and on.
He was smart and witty. He was sarcastic and stubborn. He was irresponsible in so many ways but in so many other ways he was more responsible than most.
He went through some pretty deep valleys from time to time but he always seem to rise like a phoenix from the ashes.
It was me he always called when life threw him a curve ball. I'm his big sister so of course it was only natural that he'd call me. And I loved being the one he turned to in his time of need.
I received messages every now and again reminding me of his gratefulness. I knew his gratitude. He didn't have to tell me.
I loved helping him. I loved being able to help him. I always wanted to be there to help him.
Loss is nothing knew to me.
Two siblings, grandparents, high school acquaintances... anytime you lose someone it changes your forever.
It's almost like the very fibers of your being get rearranged permanently.
The day my brother died rearranged my life.
The day before he died felt like any other day.
A few days before I'd received a message from his ex-girlfriend. She said a bunch of things that didn't make any sense, which wasn't unusual for her so I blew her off.
But I remember feeling something inside me that had me worried about him a little more than normal.
Was it the ex-girlfriend? Was it the last conversation I had with him? Or was it something else?
The day before my brother passed, I told my husband that I wanted to take a trip to see him.
My husband didn't want me to leave that evening; he wasn't comfortable with me driving 6 hours in the dark, so we agreed that I would call my brother the next morning and if the conversation didn't give me any peace, I'd leave then and make the trip.
The next morning rolled around. I called him. I left him a couple of messages and texted him. I didn't get response.
I went to work for the one client that I had scheduled. After I left work, I called him again and he didn't answer.
I called his ex-girlfriend. She answered.
My brother had taken his life.
I was driving down a common street in my town when she said the words to me. I pulled into a gas station on that common street to let the words sink in.
In that moment every fiber in my being changed for the rest of my life.
I wish had made that 6 hour trip in the dark. I could have helped him. I could have been the light in the dark he needed. I could have saved his life.
But I didn't. And he's gone. Forever.
Never wait.
Don't put of to tomorrow what you should do today.
Never ignore your gut instinct.
Because the day before your life changes forever is just like any other day and you can't go back.
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
Monday, February 25, 2019
Unkept Promises
I've made a lot of unkept promises.
It's never intentional to break a promise... well at least not in my case. I don't make promises with my fingers crossed behind my back.
Most people are the same I would say. They have every intention of keeping the promises they make.
I'll call you when I get there, promise.
I'll be praying for you, promise.
I'm going to do better, I promise.
I'm going to learn sign language for you, promise.
But then you get where you're going and you get caught up in the moment and the promise is forgotten.
You lay down to sleep at night and don't even pray for yourself muchless anyone else.
You know you shouldn't be doing such and such but you don't think it'll hurt anything so you do it anyway. Promise broken.
Time and life carry on and suddenly it's been 20 years and you still haven't learned sign language.
I have two best friends. Both of which are hearing impaired.
One has hearing loss in one ear, the other has a degenerative disease that has taken her hearing from her over time.
My friend with the degenerative disease is the one I made the promise to.
It was about 20 years ago. We were ordering ice cream from a local ice cream shop when I made this promise.
The girl working behind the counter had taken my order so she started asking my friend for hers. My friend couldn't hear her or see her lips so she looked to me.
I helped by repeating what the girl was asking so my friend could read my lips.
After I repeated several questions the ice cream shop employee asked me, "Is she deaf or something?"
My poker face has always betrayed me, and in that moment it did.
I was unable to contain my emotion and my facial expressions when I firmly and passionately corrected the employee's lack of tact.
My friend saw my face, read my lips and knew instantly what had happened. She excused herself to the bathroom in embarrassment.
While we ate our ice cream we talked about learning sign language, seriously and jokingly.
I wanted to be that friend to and for her. The one who understood and could give her a feeling of security.
She wanted to learn because she knew at some point it would be necessary for her to communicate better if her hearing became a total loss.
We talked about how we could have our own little conversations leaving most everyone around us completely baffled.
We laughed through all of these verbalized plans and I promised I would learn with her, after all she is my best friend.
Twenty years later, I haven't made a single effort to keep that promise.
That promise was full of hope and excitement, but that promise faded in its importance as quickly as the night fell on the day the promise was made.
Days, months, years passed. My friend and I got married, had babies, began separate lives on completely opposite sides of town making it more and more difficult for us to spend time together.
It even became hard for us to keep in touch.
And that promise made over ice cream floated away. I never gave it another thought.
Until recently.
I watched a TV series called Switched At Birth.
I watched it intently last year. All five seasons. It reminded me of the promise I'd made to my friend.
Feelings of guilt came flooding in and what's worse it was only then that I reconnected with my friend and learned that she was teaching sign language.
Twenty years later she is a teacher and works with children who are hard of hearing and/or deaf. She fulfilled that promise to herself.
I've begun watching the television series again.
There has been a sudden desire to keep that long ago promise.
And maybe it's 20 years too late, but I still believe in that promise and the value it held so many years ago.
I've begun the journey with baby steps. ASL.COM has a free 12 unit lesson plan.
You can learn to fingerspell words and numbers, and learn signs for the simplest of things like "where is the bathroom?"
I've begun this journey and while I'm as nervous as any hearing person would be and should be, I want to keep my promise and make my friend proud.
I think unkept promises might be the worst kind of promise. And I don't think it's ever to late to remember the promises you've made and find a way to see them through.
We should keep our promises to our friends as if we're making a promise to God. Maybe then the promises we make won't be forgotten.
Eccl. 5:4 (Msg)
When you tell God you’ll do something, do it—now.
God takes no pleasure in foolish gabble. Vow it, then do it.
Far better not to vow in the first place than to vow and not pay up.
It's never intentional to break a promise... well at least not in my case. I don't make promises with my fingers crossed behind my back.
Most people are the same I would say. They have every intention of keeping the promises they make.
I'll call you when I get there, promise.
I'll be praying for you, promise.
I'm going to do better, I promise.
I'm going to learn sign language for you, promise.
But then you get where you're going and you get caught up in the moment and the promise is forgotten.
You lay down to sleep at night and don't even pray for yourself muchless anyone else.
Time and life carry on and suddenly it's been 20 years and you still haven't learned sign language.
I have two best friends. Both of which are hearing impaired.
One has hearing loss in one ear, the other has a degenerative disease that has taken her hearing from her over time.
My friend with the degenerative disease is the one I made the promise to.
It was about 20 years ago. We were ordering ice cream from a local ice cream shop when I made this promise.
The girl working behind the counter had taken my order so she started asking my friend for hers. My friend couldn't hear her or see her lips so she looked to me.
I helped by repeating what the girl was asking so my friend could read my lips.
After I repeated several questions the ice cream shop employee asked me, "Is she deaf or something?"
My poker face has always betrayed me, and in that moment it did.
I was unable to contain my emotion and my facial expressions when I firmly and passionately corrected the employee's lack of tact.
My friend saw my face, read my lips and knew instantly what had happened. She excused herself to the bathroom in embarrassment.
While we ate our ice cream we talked about learning sign language, seriously and jokingly.
I wanted to be that friend to and for her. The one who understood and could give her a feeling of security.
She wanted to learn because she knew at some point it would be necessary for her to communicate better if her hearing became a total loss.
We talked about how we could have our own little conversations leaving most everyone around us completely baffled.
We laughed through all of these verbalized plans and I promised I would learn with her, after all she is my best friend.
Twenty years later, I haven't made a single effort to keep that promise.
That promise was full of hope and excitement, but that promise faded in its importance as quickly as the night fell on the day the promise was made.
Days, months, years passed. My friend and I got married, had babies, began separate lives on completely opposite sides of town making it more and more difficult for us to spend time together.
It even became hard for us to keep in touch.
And that promise made over ice cream floated away. I never gave it another thought.
Until recently.
I watched a TV series called Switched At Birth.
I watched it intently last year. All five seasons. It reminded me of the promise I'd made to my friend.
Feelings of guilt came flooding in and what's worse it was only then that I reconnected with my friend and learned that she was teaching sign language.
Twenty years later she is a teacher and works with children who are hard of hearing and/or deaf. She fulfilled that promise to herself.
I've begun watching the television series again.
There has been a sudden desire to keep that long ago promise.
And maybe it's 20 years too late, but I still believe in that promise and the value it held so many years ago.
I've begun the journey with baby steps. ASL.COM has a free 12 unit lesson plan.
You can learn to fingerspell words and numbers, and learn signs for the simplest of things like "where is the bathroom?"
I've begun this journey and while I'm as nervous as any hearing person would be and should be, I want to keep my promise and make my friend proud.
I think unkept promises might be the worst kind of promise. And I don't think it's ever to late to remember the promises you've made and find a way to see them through.
We should keep our promises to our friends as if we're making a promise to God. Maybe then the promises we make won't be forgotten.
Eccl. 5:4 (Msg)
When you tell God you’ll do something, do it—now.
God takes no pleasure in foolish gabble. Vow it, then do it.
Far better not to vow in the first place than to vow and not pay up.
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
Never give up on your dreams!
I absolutely love my job!
I get to make people feel beautiful on the outside while offering an ear to bend, a shoulder to cry on and belly laugh at their funny stories!
I've always wanted to be a hairdresser. I even wanted to be a makeup artist. Ever since I was seven years old, sitting in the bathroom sink, putting on blue eye-shadow, listening to Madonna's Like A Virgin.
Yes it was the 80's when I started feeling the nudge to chase a career in the world of all things beauty, but I didn't actually get to see that dream come to fruition until 2012!
Can you believe that? It took 20 plus years for me to go after my dream.
In those 20 years I, well for one, had to do some growing up! I couldn't exactly hit up the beauty school while I was still trying to conquer 5th grade!
I worked so many jobs over those years, got married, had babies, bought a forever home and THEN, after a long talk with my husband, I made the leap and enrolled in cosmetology school.
It was nothing like what I thought it would be, beauty school that is. And if I had to do it over again, in the same manner, I'd run in the opposite direction and start re-evaluating my options for school.
With that being said: I love love love my job and I am so glad I now get to do what I love.
No matter how long it takes, how many jobs you have to work, or how hard it seems to be, don't give up on chasing your dreams. Keep pushing, keep pursuing, stay focused and never give up!
I was told once that anything worthwhile doesn't come easy.
There was a purpose for the path I had to walk in order to get to where I am. I learn a little bit about that purpose everyday.
Discipline. Time management. Organizational skills. Customer Service skills. People skills.
I could go on and on, but I honestly feel as though all the other jobs I worked, and the detours I had to take before being put on the path that led to the fulfillment of my own dream, were necessary for my success today!
My clients are my accomplishment! They are clients and friends all at the same time. The opportunity to serve them everyday, and see the happiness in their eyes at the end of their appointment is what I cherish the most.
Do what you love and love what you do. That is success!
I get to make people feel beautiful on the outside while offering an ear to bend, a shoulder to cry on and belly laugh at their funny stories! I've always wanted to be a hairdresser. I even wanted to be a makeup artist. Ever since I was seven years old, sitting in the bathroom sink, putting on blue eye-shadow, listening to Madonna's Like A Virgin.
Yes it was the 80's when I started feeling the nudge to chase a career in the world of all things beauty, but I didn't actually get to see that dream come to fruition until 2012!
Can you believe that? It took 20 plus years for me to go after my dream.
In those 20 years I, well for one, had to do some growing up! I couldn't exactly hit up the beauty school while I was still trying to conquer 5th grade!
I worked so many jobs over those years, got married, had babies, bought a forever home and THEN, after a long talk with my husband, I made the leap and enrolled in cosmetology school. It was nothing like what I thought it would be, beauty school that is. And if I had to do it over again, in the same manner, I'd run in the opposite direction and start re-evaluating my options for school.
With that being said: I love love love my job and I am so glad I now get to do what I love.
No matter how long it takes, how many jobs you have to work, or how hard it seems to be, don't give up on chasing your dreams. Keep pushing, keep pursuing, stay focused and never give up!
I was told once that anything worthwhile doesn't come easy.
There was a purpose for the path I had to walk in order to get to where I am. I learn a little bit about that purpose everyday.
Discipline. Time management. Organizational skills. Customer Service skills. People skills.
I could go on and on, but I honestly feel as though all the other jobs I worked, and the detours I had to take before being put on the path that led to the fulfillment of my own dream, were necessary for my success today!
My clients are my accomplishment! They are clients and friends all at the same time. The opportunity to serve them everyday, and see the happiness in their eyes at the end of their appointment is what I cherish the most.
Positivity in the workplace
About two years ago I went through a pretty tough transition in my career. I owned my own business and leased space to women who would work independently but with me at the same time.
Does that make sense? Check this out!
In hopes that it does, I'll continue.
I won't even begin to try to convince you or anyone else that I was always the perfect person to work with. Even I can admit that I was far from perfect.
HOWEVER I do believe I was a lot easier to work with than most others, and I even feel like I went above and beyond to help those who worked with me as much as possible.
I became incredibly close to several of my coworkers, one in particular. I trusted her entirely and had no reason not to.
Unfortunately, she made some decisions that were hurtful and caused damage to our friendship.
It's been two years since the hurt and damage. After much consideration, I closed my business and went work for another team.
I've been incredibly happy having truly learned what work friendships can and should be like, likewise, I have even created bonds outside of the workplace with my coworkers.
After my previous experience I worried that I'd never have workplace friendships that amounted to anything more than just workplace encounters.
That worry was pointless, thankfully!
We're a close nit group of women. Our ages range from young adult to nearly middle aged (me Ha!) and yet we all have so much in common and then not enough in common that we keep each other entertained!
Its never a boring day with us, that's an understatement!
We have so much fun and have created such a fun-spirited environment that even our clients have taken the notion to title themselves "honorary team members"!
Recently, that one friend in particular, who left a wake of hurt in her path in her decisions while working with me, decided to come to work in the same place as me.
Her decision wasn't based on the fact that I worked there, but on the fact that there was an opening and she needed a new space, again, in which to work.
It just happened to be within the business I work.
Admittedly, this made me nervous. Uncomfortable.
However, after serious thought and consideration I realized that I only feel this way because I choose to.
I'm capable of working with just about anyone and to be quite honest I think if I didn't care so much about her I wouldn't have been so hurt or so apprehensive about her reappearance in my work life.
I have to stop and give much credit to the women I work with as well.
The relationships that have been established between all of us women is strong and genuine. It's like a beehive. We all work together, supporting and encouraging and uplifting one another.
If one of the bees is disturbed the whole hive is disturbed and they all come together for the one bee.
Best Honey Bath Ever!
Having worked with such women in such an environment has been a blessing. It's been eye opening and reaffirming experience.
There is so much negativity in the work world, especially surrounding women, brought on by women, that its important to encourage and support an opportunity for reconciliation and closure.
I hope that my old friend will find her place within our group and come to know and recognize the value in these women that I have found and love.
I find myself feeling a sense of responsibility for her and to her, which is something I'm working through at the moment.
My first responsibility is to the women I work with to continue to emanate and emulate who we are and what we have built as far as friendships and relationships go.
Its with that responsibility that I approach each new day working within a broken friendship.
Proverbs 19: 18-21
Does that make sense? Check this out!
In hopes that it does, I'll continue.
I won't even begin to try to convince you or anyone else that I was always the perfect person to work with. Even I can admit that I was far from perfect.
HOWEVER I do believe I was a lot easier to work with than most others, and I even feel like I went above and beyond to help those who worked with me as much as possible.
I became incredibly close to several of my coworkers, one in particular. I trusted her entirely and had no reason not to.
Unfortunately, she made some decisions that were hurtful and caused damage to our friendship.
It's been two years since the hurt and damage. After much consideration, I closed my business and went work for another team.
I've been incredibly happy having truly learned what work friendships can and should be like, likewise, I have even created bonds outside of the workplace with my coworkers.
After my previous experience I worried that I'd never have workplace friendships that amounted to anything more than just workplace encounters.
That worry was pointless, thankfully!
We're a close nit group of women. Our ages range from young adult to nearly middle aged (me Ha!) and yet we all have so much in common and then not enough in common that we keep each other entertained!
Its never a boring day with us, that's an understatement!
We have so much fun and have created such a fun-spirited environment that even our clients have taken the notion to title themselves "honorary team members"!
Recently, that one friend in particular, who left a wake of hurt in her path in her decisions while working with me, decided to come to work in the same place as me.
Her decision wasn't based on the fact that I worked there, but on the fact that there was an opening and she needed a new space, again, in which to work.
It just happened to be within the business I work.
Admittedly, this made me nervous. Uncomfortable.
However, after serious thought and consideration I realized that I only feel this way because I choose to.
I'm capable of working with just about anyone and to be quite honest I think if I didn't care so much about her I wouldn't have been so hurt or so apprehensive about her reappearance in my work life.
I have to stop and give much credit to the women I work with as well.
The relationships that have been established between all of us women is strong and genuine. It's like a beehive. We all work together, supporting and encouraging and uplifting one another.
If one of the bees is disturbed the whole hive is disturbed and they all come together for the one bee.
Best Honey Bath Ever!
There is so much negativity in the work world, especially surrounding women, brought on by women, that its important to encourage and support an opportunity for reconciliation and closure.
I hope that my old friend will find her place within our group and come to know and recognize the value in these women that I have found and love.
I find myself feeling a sense of responsibility for her and to her, which is something I'm working through at the moment.
My first responsibility is to the women I work with to continue to emanate and emulate who we are and what we have built as far as friendships and relationships go.
Its with that responsibility that I approach each new day working within a broken friendship.
Proverbs 19: 18-21
19 A broken friendship is harder to deal with than a city that has high walls around it. And arguing is like the locked gates of a mighty city. 20
A man can fill his stomach with what he says. The words from his lips can satisfy him. 21
Your tongue has the power of life and death. Those who love to talk will eat the fruit of their words.
Monday, February 18, 2019
Hope, Spread it around
From time to time we all get these inclinations: The thought of someone randomly pops in your head and for whatever reason you feel the need to say "hi!" in a text message or Facebook post to their page.
Recently, this happened to me so I messaged this friend of mine to touch base to see how she is doing.
Her reply wasn't what I expected at all. I know this person to be strong and bold!
She's funny and witty and has a beautiful heart, so when she replied that she hasn't been feeling at all like herself, finding it hard to even get out of the bed, my heart sank.
She explained that she thought maybe she was still suffering from postpartum depression even a year after her daughters birth.
She said she'd talked to her doctor, was taking a medicine prescribed and yet still finding it hard to function as a human, as a wife, and even as a mom.
The hurt and sadness translated through her words and pierced my heart.
All I wanted to do was find the perfect words to encourage, remind and renew her perspective just enough to give her a little hope and strength to push through.
Our exchange was brief but I made sure it was full of all the stuff she needed to hear; of the things I would want someone to remind me if I found myself sinking and unable to swim.
Its absolutely necessary to pay attention to those whims. Those unexpected occurrences when, for what seems like no reason at a all, you're suddenly thinking of someone or something.
There is always a reason!
And if you're the friend who is feeling overwhelmed and left out to sea, let me give you a little hope and encouragement today. You're not alone, there is hope and You are very much loved!
Everyday is filled with new hope. You may feel as though your days are filled with valleys, trials, pitfalls, and failures but what you don't see is still there and that is HOPE!
I've had my own share of valleys to trudge through. I've hit my knees in a squalling fit begging for the hurt and frustrations of life to subside.
And everyday that I wake up and take my first deep breath, I know there is hope.
Everyday that I see a leaf blowing in the breeze, I know there is hope.
Everyday that I look into the eyes of my children, I know there is hope.
Everyday that I when my dog dances in circles for my attention, I know there is hope.
Everyday that I can put my fingers to the keys of this computer and type up a message to you, I know there is hope.
And I know there is hope when I look past my own circumstances and see the others around me who need encouragement.
I know there is hope when I'm able to muster up the strength to offer whatever I have left to help a friend find the hope I see and know.
Life is hard, but hope in spite of it all gives us strength to conquer and overcome.
Be the hope someone needs, look for hope in every speck under the sun, and spread a little hope today!
“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” —Lamentations 3:21-23
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Viruses or Food Poisoning, You be the judge!
Isn't just amazing how one moment you're going about your day and evening enjoying the company of friends over food and spirits when suddenly you find yourself begging God for mercy as your body convulses forward and everything you thought you had enjoyed is now back with a vengeance?
I rarely get sick, I'd say every couple of years, like 5-10 or so. And I guess like child birth, until you're in the thick of vomiting everything up from your toes, you don't really remember how horrible it is.
I've been participating in this Weight Watchers weight loss program with my sister-in-law. We are a month in and things are going fairly well. We've managed to stick to our points and even earn a few extras with yard work and the occasional trip to the gym.
Last Friday evening my coworker asked if I wanted to have a girls evening, and visit a newly opened Cantina for a few drinks and appetizers. I thought I'd earned myself a cheat meal and cheat drink so I opted in. It was great!
Saturday evening rolled around and my husband received a message from another couple asking if we'd like to have dinner and some drinks. Soooo we opted in that evening as well and had a great time.
Around 1:30am Sunday morning I sat up in the bed extremely nauseated. I journeyed to the kitchen for a bottle of water, and it hit me!
I ran for the bathroom! I waited in nauseating agony but nothing happened. I grabbed the small trash can from the corner and took it back to the living room with me. I sat impatiently waiting for the dreaded desire to vomit to return. And it did.
I heaved into the trash can for a while before being able to catch my breath. My teenage son who happened to still be awake in his room peeked his head through his bedroom door and asked if I was ok? All I could do was shake my head.
For the next several hours I would camp out in the guest bathroom, sometimes sitting on the toilet sometimes kneeling in front of it, and even sometimes not knowing if I should kneel or sit because both were about to happen.
Around 7:45am I found myself at rest. Neither the need to sit nor kneel were troubling me any longer. However, in their place I found my body aching with a fierceness; muscles cramping and spasming leaving me with no comfortable position in which to lay.
That's when I called in reinforcements. My mom.
I'm 41 and pride myself on not needing my parents for more than suggested advice or fun company. But this was one of those times I needed my mom.
She loaded me up and took me to the nearby urgent care clinic where I was diagnosed with an intestinal virus. An injection to calm the nausea and three other prescriptions were provided and off I went, home to recover.
I slept most of the rest of the day and night. Admittedly, it was some of the best sleep I've had in a long time. I give no credit to the virus wreaking havoc on my body, only to the meds administered to provide my war torn existence with relief.
The next day I saw a post on social media site that said the place I'd visited with my coworker had been accused of causing a food poisoning outbreak. 37 people reported having eaten at the restaurant and then becoming ill, violently vomiting, etc.
Supposedly, food poisoning happens quite quickly, so I'm not sure if I had food poisoning or if I had a virus. What I do know is I never want to feel like that again.
I'm two days out from that horrific 5 hours of torture so it's back to point counting and healthy living!
Here ya go! Click Here
Saturday, February 2, 2019
When you don't have all the answers
Another Journal entry from years past.
August 2011
As a parent you hope that you can prevent your children from going through the trials that you yourself encountered when you were their age. You hope.
But what happens when you can't??
What do you do then?? You find yourself wondering what you would have wanted done to alleviate a situation or resolve a problem... but even today, with the hindsight and experience you've gained through all of life's little broken roads, you still don't have the answer.
So you instruct your child... you advise your child... you guide, comfort, you do everything you know to do but for some reason you find that none of those things are really helping them at that very moment. It's a helpless situation for both of you.
You're distraught over how to be the best parent in the world when you can't even come up with a remedy to a child's problem and your child feels like you, as the parent, should have all the answers and what you tell them should work perfectly without hiccup.
Both are left disappointed, just hoping that some little something somewhere will be the inkling of hope for both of you and will magically appear and fix the situation.
**LUXARY HAIRCARE FOUND HERE**
I've thought about this off and on for a while. Having a middle school child and that child being a very outgoing social butterfly, it goes without saying that there's plenty of issues that need remedied.
I find myself wondering if anything I say ever seeps into that thick skull of hers... and if what's held by that thick skull could only put 2 and 2 together she would be so much better off. I've found myself telling her that I can't fix all her problems for her, that she has to learn to face them head on and work them out herself.
I know that personal growth doesn't come from someone holding your hand through every thick and thin, but you personally pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and facing it head on yourself. Life experience gives you the tools to face the next big hurdle, but if you're not learning from your experiences, those hurdles can seem ten feet tall sometimes.
Hence my bewilderment over trying to help my daughter in her personal battles, but at the same time, leaving her to sink or swim so she can develop the strength and experience she needs to face future battles.
In thinking about this... the fact that looking back on similar problems I faced at my child's age, I began to think that it's not about my finding a solution to every problem, but that I'm a sounding board for my child.
That I'm able to comfort and relate to the situation, a safe place for her to fall when she's had all she can take. I may not have all the answers, but I can relate, and in my ability to relate I can guide and comfort her so she doesn't feel alone.
As Christians, we don't always get all the answers we need from the Lord when we're faced with hardship. Sometimes we're left out to sink or swim or so it seems, but ultimately when we carry our burdens to the Lord, he's there to comfort us and show His ability to understand why we feel the way we do, and relate to the place of hurt or disappointment we feel.
He may not give us the answers but He's the safe place for us to fall. And we may never, even after years of life experience, know the answers to what once troubled us, but we know that we could take refuge in our Heavenly Father.
I want to be that refuge for my children, no matter the problem, turmoil, chaos, and confusion... to put it plainly, having all the answers is not always the best answer!
Nahum 1:7 God is good, a hiding place in tough times. He recognizes and welcomes anyone looking for help, No matter how desperate the trouble.
August 2011
As a parent you hope that you can prevent your children from going through the trials that you yourself encountered when you were their age. You hope.
But what happens when you can't??
What do you do then?? You find yourself wondering what you would have wanted done to alleviate a situation or resolve a problem... but even today, with the hindsight and experience you've gained through all of life's little broken roads, you still don't have the answer.
So you instruct your child... you advise your child... you guide, comfort, you do everything you know to do but for some reason you find that none of those things are really helping them at that very moment. It's a helpless situation for both of you.
You're distraught over how to be the best parent in the world when you can't even come up with a remedy to a child's problem and your child feels like you, as the parent, should have all the answers and what you tell them should work perfectly without hiccup.
Both are left disappointed, just hoping that some little something somewhere will be the inkling of hope for both of you and will magically appear and fix the situation.
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I've thought about this off and on for a while. Having a middle school child and that child being a very outgoing social butterfly, it goes without saying that there's plenty of issues that need remedied.
I find myself wondering if anything I say ever seeps into that thick skull of hers... and if what's held by that thick skull could only put 2 and 2 together she would be so much better off. I've found myself telling her that I can't fix all her problems for her, that she has to learn to face them head on and work them out herself.
I know that personal growth doesn't come from someone holding your hand through every thick and thin, but you personally pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and facing it head on yourself. Life experience gives you the tools to face the next big hurdle, but if you're not learning from your experiences, those hurdles can seem ten feet tall sometimes.
Hence my bewilderment over trying to help my daughter in her personal battles, but at the same time, leaving her to sink or swim so she can develop the strength and experience she needs to face future battles.
In thinking about this... the fact that looking back on similar problems I faced at my child's age, I began to think that it's not about my finding a solution to every problem, but that I'm a sounding board for my child.
That I'm able to comfort and relate to the situation, a safe place for her to fall when she's had all she can take. I may not have all the answers, but I can relate, and in my ability to relate I can guide and comfort her so she doesn't feel alone.
As Christians, we don't always get all the answers we need from the Lord when we're faced with hardship. Sometimes we're left out to sink or swim or so it seems, but ultimately when we carry our burdens to the Lord, he's there to comfort us and show His ability to understand why we feel the way we do, and relate to the place of hurt or disappointment we feel.
He may not give us the answers but He's the safe place for us to fall. And we may never, even after years of life experience, know the answers to what once troubled us, but we know that we could take refuge in our Heavenly Father.
I want to be that refuge for my children, no matter the problem, turmoil, chaos, and confusion... to put it plainly, having all the answers is not always the best answer!
Nahum 1:7 God is good, a hiding place in tough times. He recognizes and welcomes anyone looking for help, No matter how desperate the trouble.
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