Truth in a dramatic post: WARNING

I'm obviously not the only mother battling her strong willed daughter who seems to be a replication of herself.

I realize these battles are the growing pains of not only the child emerging from yet another womb into the new and overwhelming world of adulthood but of the mother giving birth, with birthing pains consisting of the tearing of a bond and the tug and pull of fear, tough love, hovering protection, and arms length rejection.

Standing by watching mistakes being made, the mistakes you could have prevented had only a syllable of advice been received.

The hurt and disappointment a mom feels isn't curable with a glass of wine or a hot bath though both of these are my go-to band-aids when she and I have yet another falling out.

My favorite bath bombs here!  

There isn't anything anyone could do, except her. If she'd just realize that I'm her mom and I've always been the one who's protected her from hurt and failure and disappointment because all of her life I've seen what she couldn't, and immediately have taken the necessary measures to protect her.

I've made all the decisions for her that would benefit her, not harm her. I've put all of her needs first and made every effort to ensure that her life was full and happy and memorable.

Her decisions to blatantly ignore any suggestions, advice, voice of concern, expression of fear for her choices hits like a punch from Mike Tyson straight in the gut.

When you need some comfort, Chocolate!

Her decision to take the advice of everyone else around her, lean on the shoulders of those whom only have a desire to maintain a friendship by telling her what she wants to hear instead of the truth is like being bitch slapped across both cheeks.

When she tells you what you have to say doesn't matter because she's going to do things her way whether it's the right way or not, because she wants to learn for herself, feels the same as vomiting so violently that your airway becomes blocked and another gut muscle wrenches in a horrid attempt to puke but you can't inhale or you'll asphyxiate.

Yeah it's just like that.

This is the battle that everyone says will pass in a couple of years and she'll wake up one day realizing that I was right all along, she'll come running into my arms and a relationship will emerge new and shiny. Oh how I crave that day.

I don't want any accolades for being right or wrong or whatever.... I just want my daughter back.

The one who trusted me.

The one who knew and held onto the truth that I'd always have her back, protect her, guide her in her best interest, the one who believed that I was her safe place, the safest place on earth away from all the hurt and disappointment the world has to so graciously offer.

Unrealistic you say?

Well I'll admit I agree, but as a mom its what I hold tightly. 

I dream in technicolor for my children.

My rose colored glass sometimes clear up and I see the bigger picture, tweak my decision making, and shift gears but for only whats in the best interest of my children.

Rose Colored Glasses, click here!  

Growing pains, people call it.

They say its a part of mother's learning to let go, to let her children learn to grow up. Some say its repayment for the hell we may have put our parents through at the same point in our young lives.

I don't know what it is except excruciating.

Its a constant whiplash of emotions. Inside you're desperate to see and talk to this human being you've dedicated your entire life to. You're desperate to be chosen over the others that have infiltrated and filled the spot you used to occupy in their life.

Being removed from that place in your child's heart is like having a skin cancer removed with no anesthetic. And watching someone else fill that spot knowing they will never fill that place like you have and can is like having a root canal in every single tooth in your mouth without being numbed.

Its an exhausting existence this back and forth battle of pure desperation. She needs you and you see it in her eyes but her pride holds her back and her genetic disposition of stubbornness builds a wall of resentment and discouragement. For both of you. I don't know why it has to be this way.

I hope and pray for the answer.

Don't know what to pray? Here's some help!  

The right words to fix whats broken, to reach that place deep down that has grown cold and gone dormant between the two of us.

And just when you think there's progress and you think you're seeing the sunrise on the horizon of these dark days, suddenly like a vapor it disappears.

You're left out in the cold wondering which way is up and how soon you'll see a glimpse of hope again.

Does this really have to last years? Does it have to take so much time for the birthing pains and growing pains to subside and the new relationship emerge?

I miss her. I miss her so very much.

If only she could see it and know it and feel it. This black hole in my life where she's torn herself away, then may be she'd come back and fill that void again. Nothing else will do it. Nothing else could.

Nothing else should.

**LUXURY HAIRCARE**