August 2011
As a parent you hope that you can prevent your children from going through the trials that you yourself encountered when you were their age. You hope.
But what happens when you can't??
What do you do then?? You find yourself wondering what you would have wanted done to alleviate a situation or resolve a problem... but even today, with the hindsight and experience you've gained through all of life's little broken roads, you still don't have the answer.
So you instruct your child... you advise your child... you guide, comfort, you do everything you know to do but for some reason you find that none of those things are really helping them at that very moment. It's a helpless situation for both of you.
You're distraught over how to be the best parent in the world when you can't even come up with a remedy to a child's problem and your child feels like you, as the parent, should have all the answers and what you tell them should work perfectly without hiccup.
Both are left disappointed, just hoping that some little something somewhere will be the inkling of hope for both of you and will magically appear and fix the situation.
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I've thought about this off and on for a while. Having a middle school child and that child being a very outgoing social butterfly, it goes without saying that there's plenty of issues that need remedied.
I find myself wondering if anything I say ever seeps into that thick skull of hers... and if what's held by that thick skull could only put 2 and 2 together she would be so much better off. I've found myself telling her that I can't fix all her problems for her, that she has to learn to face them head on and work them out herself.
I know that personal growth doesn't come from someone holding your hand through every thick and thin, but you personally pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and facing it head on yourself. Life experience gives you the tools to face the next big hurdle, but if you're not learning from your experiences, those hurdles can seem ten feet tall sometimes.
Hence my bewilderment over trying to help my daughter in her personal battles, but at the same time, leaving her to sink or swim so she can develop the strength and experience she needs to face future battles.
In thinking about this... the fact that looking back on similar problems I faced at my child's age, I began to think that it's not about my finding a solution to every problem, but that I'm a sounding board for my child.
That I'm able to comfort and relate to the situation, a safe place for her to fall when she's had all she can take. I may not have all the answers, but I can relate, and in my ability to relate I can guide and comfort her so she doesn't feel alone.
As Christians, we don't always get all the answers we need from the Lord when we're faced with hardship. Sometimes we're left out to sink or swim or so it seems, but ultimately when we carry our burdens to the Lord, he's there to comfort us and show His ability to understand why we feel the way we do, and relate to the place of hurt or disappointment we feel.
He may not give us the answers but He's the safe place for us to fall. And we may never, even after years of life experience, know the answers to what once troubled us, but we know that we could take refuge in our Heavenly Father.
I want to be that refuge for my children, no matter the problem, turmoil, chaos, and confusion... to put it plainly, having all the answers is not always the best answer!
Nahum 1:7 God is good, a hiding place in tough times. He recognizes and welcomes anyone looking for help, No matter how desperate the trouble.
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