Where was the hope he needed.

Contemporary Christian music is probably my favorite music.

It gives me a sense of hope and encouragement. I find answers that sometimes I hear for the first time and sometimes I'm reminded that I already know the answer.

Four years ago I lost my brother. My very first best friend. My very first sibling. Life became a little too much to bear for him.  He was strong and yet so vulnerable and weak emotionally.

I never thought in a million years he would take his life as a way to escape the burdens of his life.

Suicide and God

When I listen to my songs of hope and encouragement I often wonder why my brother hadn't heard these songs. If he'd only heard the words "good things are coming" or "hold on for the victory" or "you're an over-comer" maybe he would have been able to keep going and not give up.

He should have been reminded to lay his burdens at the Lord's feet.

He should have been reminded to trust in God.

He should have been encouraged by every song that encourages me.

He deserved to have a chance to overcome his circumstances.

He deserved to hear that his life was worth more than diamonds.

He deserved to have someone sent to bring him out of the depths of despair and show him the promises for his life.

We hear stories from people who are so lost or those who have struggled so much to rise above the hardships of their life but couldn't. Not on their own.

But they heard a song and it gave them the courage to keep going.

Or someone walked into their life at just the right moment and served as the support or help they needed to keep pushing through the hard times.

Where were these songs for my brother?

Where were the people who could have been what he needed?

Why didn't he know that no matter the bumps and bruises of his life's choices he was still flawless, loved, wanted, his life valued.

Why didn't he know that no matter the bumps and bruises of his life's choices he was still flawless, loved, wanted, his life valued.

Where was that amazing grace? The grace that would comfort him in his weakness?

I'd give anything to know that a song saved him. Or that a random person walked into his life and showed him what he needed to overcome the hardships.

I wish I'd been the one who shared a song of encouragement. I wish I'd been the one to show up on his door step at just the right time.

Now he's gone.