A Time for Reflection

The new year often brings a realization of how quickly the previous year has passed. With this comes some reflection...of oneself and of others, of situations good and some not so good. 

I haven't really had the notion, until this year, to take the time to reflect on the previous year. 

I usually embrace the new year as if I'm just waiting for the next day to arrive, but this year seems a little different. 

Last year, only a few days in, my daughter decided to move out of our home. It was a decision made with heated emotion and, in my opinion at the time, not the best decision. 

Over the course of the last 12 months, there were a lot of tearful nights, prayerful mornings, thought filled drives to work, emotional conversations that seemed to never end in resolution, and frustrations left even more tattered. 

Even through all of those things I was growing as a person and so was my daughter. We didn't see it through the fog of our emotions and stubbornness.  

It was hard to see through the growing pains and most times it felt as though I were walking blindly through every day. In the latter part of the year I began to notice things about myself I didn't recognize. 

I was quick to slow down. I was slow to react. I was methodical about my actions and I stopped shoving my will onto my daughter. 

That's not to say that I didn't have an opinion, thought or feeling about every move she made because I most certainly did. However, I found it more satisfying to see her come to the right decisions on her own even if they weren't quite inline with my ways. And even if it took her a little longer to reach the decision her way than it would have if she'd just done what I wanted. 

A lot happened this year... and somehow I let the focus of the year be more about my daughter than about the many other important people and things in my life. 

A lawsuit was settled. i found a way to generate more income. I watched my son grow more comfortable in his own skin; becoming more and more the man he'll be one day. 
He excelled in school and learned to drive. My husband and I celebrated a milestone in marriage. We made some renovations to our home and began working on our next big adventure. 

And then to end it all with a bang, my daughter moved back home. 

Overcoming Emotional Battles

These years sometimes come and go and with very little acknowledgment from me. They bring trials and blessings, and growth and wisdom. And when I'm too consumed with the trials of the year I miss out on the blessings and the wisdom. 

This year I hope to be more aware of the specific details of each new occurrence, each new challenge be it big or small. 

I hope to be more aware of how these things whittle away at my spirit, shaping it and molding it to make it what it was created to be. 

I hope that I, in some way, will understand my purpose and fulfill it even if just a little at a time. 

I hope that I will be hyper aware of the work God is doing in me and those around me. 

I hope that I am able to help someone else with my experiences, and that the marks left by those experiences will be evident to those I attempt to help giving them confidence to know they're understood.   

I hope this coming year is full of everything necessary and unnecessary to help me, and those around me, in the years to come and then some. 

Eccl. 3:1
"To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

**LUXURY HAIRCARE**

Calling myself into question

I call myself a Christian and I believe I fall inline with all things Christianity as far as beliefs and practices, but days like today prove to be hardest for me in my Christianity. 

I know who I am as a person. My personality reflects all the little bits that makeup who I am. I'm loud when necessary, and even when it's not. I am compassionate and consoling in some instances but unrelenting and unwavering in others.

I have a zero tolerance for blatant stupidity. Keyword "blatant". I'm a say what you mean and mean what you say kind of girl. I don't need extra attention for the things I'm "supposed" to do (like be a good mom and wife). I'm insecure too; I feel like those around me don't truly value me but maybe tolerate me instead.

I'd help anyone with whatever means I have though I won't help those who don't attempt to help themselves. 

I believe I've had a relationship with the Lord since I was in elementary school though on days like today I question it's validity and guarantee. 

I assume that because I don't spend as much time praying or because my tongue spits vulgarity that my relationship with the Lord is merely a figment of my imagination. If there were a way to prevent these feelings and walk tall and proudly with my confidence at 100% always I would never have days like today. 

There's this certainty I feel when I say even the smallest of prayers for a person. I may see a post to facebook or instagram asking for prayers and suddenly I believe that with my closing, In Jesus Sweet Name, my prayer has been heard and answered all at the same time. I never think to check on a person maybe because I believe so wholeheartedly that Jesus heard me but then doubt creeps in and I start to questions if my prayers are empty words.  

When I start to question myself and my relationship with the Lord I start to question my salvation and future in the kingdom of Heaven.

When I watch biblically based movies and read devotions and blogs that teach a biblically based message, I feel empowered with a desire to know the Lord so much more, so much deeper. But then real life kicks in and suddenly I'm catapulted back into my foul language and negatively defensively based attitude. 

How does one prevent the even so easy backsliding that occurs when we're faced with the world? Our everyday events that are comfortable and normal creep in and overshadow the feelings we have when we're momentarily enveloped in Gods Word. 

I think the best way to combat the norm is to stay in the Word as much as is possible. Commit to learning it, memorizing the Word's words and repeat them as often as possible. 

It's said that if you repeat a newly met persons name five times youre less likely to forget it. Maybe if we take time to repeat the Lords biblical words we'll remember them and they'll replace what we've grown accustom to saying and thinking in certain situations.  

Here are a few to get us started:


Stressful Situations
Deut 31: 8
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you. 

Fearful Situations
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous!

Feelings of Darkness
Psalm 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation...

Feelings of Anger
Col. 3:8
But now you must put them away. Anger, wrath, malice, slander, and all obscene talk from your mouth. 

Let's start with these to help us keep the Word's words close to our heart and our words those of the Word. With this practice we can please the Lord and remain close to him. 

Prayer Journal

Father, thank you for your Word. Thank you for the reminder that while we stumble in this wayward world there is always an anchor for our souls, Your Word and the words within it. I pray that keeping these words in memorization will heal the negative and vulgar parts of my tongue and heart. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Decisions Decisions

This is a journal entry I thought I'd share with all of you. I hope it is relatable. It may or may not answer any questions for you, as I ended with a question but at least you'll know that you're not alone in the hard to make decisions when it comes to our kids.

You should know that our son is 15 years old now. He doesn't play any sports, though he loves sports and enjoys watching them, cheering his favorite teams on, with his father. He's found something he is passionate about and we support him in his endeavors.

I encourage you to pray over your children. Ask God what His plans are for your little ones. It's through these prayers you'll find peace in the decisions you make for your children.

August 2011


My sons been playing baseball since he was 4 or so... he started in t-ball and graduated to pitching machine last season. He like baseball or so we thought. He would say yes he liked it and then would turn around and say "I only play cause my daddy makes me."

The first time he said that my husband laughed it off saying our son was tired and hot and in a bad mood cause he didn't feel like practicing. But it kind of struck a deep down motherly type chord that felt way out of tune. He continued to play and continued to have the same attitude about practicing and playing (some) games.

I began to worry that we were making him do something he really truly didn't want to do, but my husband really believed that our son was just frustrated cause practices hadn't gone the way he wanted them to go or because he was being lazy and didn't want to get up and go.

This last season, nearly 4 years later, we decided to let our son make the decision to quit baseball. He kept making the comment that he wanted to try football and that he liked playing soccer. We reluctantly allowed him to sign up for football (he's played soccer before and while he did great with soccer, we thought it would be wise to let him try a sport he'd not tried before).

Tonight was his first practice and much to our surprise he did exceptionally well. The only hiccup he had the whole time was the mouth guard, which he's been trying to tell us for three days now, choking him. He started to cry.

I could hear my husband scolding him trying to get him to toughen up and stop the crying but I wondered if it was because our son needed to stop crying or if it was because my husband was embarrassed that our little football player was boohooing in front of everyone.

I mean, if there's not crying in baseball there sure as heck isn't any crying in football, right??  But our son isn't built like a machine. He is right on target for height, but he's a tiny bit under weight (he doesn't eat a lot of meat), and is a softy at heart.

So with all that in mind, the question has posed itself... do we push him and push him until he toughens up, or is this a kid that needs to be left to figure it out for himself? Does he need to try everything until he finds what makes him happy?

Do we let him jump from sport to sport until he makes up his mind? Or do we push him to stick with one or two (season rotating sports) options and if so, for how long?

What parent wants to shove something down their kids throat that they don't like?

Isn't it our responsibility to let them have the options and taste all the flavors so they can decide for themselves?



Aren't we supposed to push our kids until their limit is either reached or until they finally have a break through and take off on their own full sprint??

To Push or Not to Push... this is the question. 

My uncertainty vs God's certainty

My life is riddled with decisions, situations, actions that would prove I am no walking example of who Jesus is.

His character is perfect, never failing and ever enduring. 

My character fluctuates between hot and cold all the time, and if I'm being honest, I could be accused of being lukewarm. In the bible there is a verse that refers to hot, cold and luke warm.

Revelation 3: 15-16 I know your deeds. That you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were either one or the other. But because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

I sometimes wonder if my fluctuations have separated me from the Lord. I find myself wondering why He seems so far away at times. Have my actions caused Him to back away and keep Himself at a distance?

Learn more about our purpose in life here

Have you ever known a person who seemed spiritually or personally unhealthy so you kept yourself at a distance from them to prevent their unhealthy behavior from affecting you? When a person has a nasty cold or infection you keep yourself away from them? 

I'm guilty of view God from this standpoint. He's fed up. He done and over me. He has no time for my whip-lashing behavior. These are my thoughts, I confess. 

But these are the lies of the enemy. 

When I hear these lies all I have to do is turn to God's word. It speaks truth so clearly there is no room for doubt. 

Isaiah 41:4 Says that I have been called by the great I AM. 

Isaiah 43:13 Says that I cannot be snatched out of Gods hand. Nothing can keep me from Him, whom I have given my heart and life. 

Isaiah 46:4 Says that God will never leave me. He is committed to me throughout my entire life. He made me and will carry me and save me.

And to solidify these assurances is Ephesians 2:8-9 reminds me that my salvation isn't something that can be awarded to me by my actions, something earned or acquired by works. Salvation is a gift from God. I am saved by God's grace because of my faith in Him. 

I am not perfect. Some days I will walk and only stumble a little, and other days I was trek down paths that He never meant for me to walk, and He will walk with me. 

He may be quiet, allowing me to learn where I went wrong but He will never leave me to walk that treacherous path alone and nothing along the way could ever steal me out of His righteous and mighty hand. 

In those times of quiet and feeling separation from the Lord all we have to do is turn to His word and be reminded that we are called by the great I AM. Nothing can keep us from Him. And He will never leave us, but carry us and save us. 

This give peace and rest to my soul. Even if in just this moment, it's a peace and rest I can remind myself of in times of weakness or loneliness. And for that I am so thankful, Lord. 

https://www.proverbs31.org/

Hopeful Reminder

Sometimes I wonder just how far from the Lord I've strayed. It's no secret that I believe everyone's walk is there own. We have no place judging how one walks with the Lord.

By walk I mean journey and the method of that journey.  I'm reminded of a scene from Mary Poppin's where she describes individual laughs, everyone having their own. If you've never seen Mary Poppin's I encourage you to take a two hour break for this life lesson of a movie. I guarantee you'll relate to the laughing scene to which I'm referring.

Check this out!

My walk may be a stumbling, tumbling, toe bumping, knee skinning walk. Yours may be a graceful glide with a few wobbles. And your friends maybe graceful then clumsy then careful then careless, taking every unimaginable detour along the way.  Everyone's is their own.

When I was a small child I heard the voice of the Lord and I felt His presence. Sometimes it was clear as day and other times I knew he was there but maybe felt like he was across the room and not as close as I'd have liked him to be.

Today I look back and I can distinctly remember this feeling. I know I didn't imagine it, but I wonder why it's not as seemingly accessible as it once was.

While I was gathering materials for my son's second semester in his high school sophomore year, I found a bible study I'd once started and never completed.

I love bible studies. They help remind me of God's Word and His love and the place He's preparing for me in eternity.

BACK TO SCHOOL ESSENTIALS

After I finished putting together the supplies for my son I decided I'd sit down and pick up where I'd left off in that bible study. The study is call I AM by Lysa Terkeurst.

In the chapter where I'd left off and was now beginning, there very first thing I read was the title, Sheep Gate.

Without getting into the specifics of this chapters title, let me just say that the title was the answer I'd longed for but hadn't realized it.

Biblically speaking, a sheep gate created a place of safety and only the shepherd of the sheep would be the gate. The shepherd would create a barrier between harm and safety for their sheep. So long as the sheep stayed with their shepherd they would be safe. Only when the sheep would wander would they be subject to harm and even death.

And to exemplify this relationship between the shepherd and the sheep, the sheep knew the voice of their shepherd. If any other voice called out to them they wouldn't respond. They knew only their shepherds voice.

Just as we know the voice of the Lord, our shepherd. Jesus is our shepherd.

If we know His voice our walk, no matter how graceful or chaotic, we can be assured we will hear as He leads us. We can rest assured that His voice will call out to His flock, and each individual sheep, you and I and everyone who believes He is the I AM, and we will hear Him and know where to follow.

I take great comfort in knowing that while I feel as though the Lord may be more than an arms length away, when He calls out to me I will hear Him and know His voice. I will follow His voice wherever it may lead me even if I stumbled and stub my toe along the way.

John 10:7 & 9  Therefore Jesus said again, Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.